Thursday, 28 February 2013

Five Basic Ingredients Supporting Success of a Marriage

If you are newly married or about to get married, then, the following is a must for you. Next time, when you get an opportunity to stay with an elderly and successfully married couple, observe them closely. Here, the term successfully refers to the happiness the couple get from each other. You will easily find that they have carefully built the  success of their marriage,  on five important elements known as selflessness, commitment, friendship, laughs and fun in marriage and support at good Times


Selflessness

The meaning of selflessness is very simple. It is just an art of pleasing your spouse and make her/him happy. Spouses, with such determination, will always put in 110% of their efforts, to satisfy their partner. But, such efforts should come from the heart, with a firm commitment to put the happiness of your spouse, before yours. This selflessness, should  come without any preconceived notion or condition and it should come spontaneously, without the need of any extra effort. The selflessness, has always blended with a maturity, to fulfill the comfort of your spouse and magnanimity to eschew, failures from your partner.


Commitment

It is a fact that the term commitment is not fully understood by many from the marital point of view. In simple terms, commitment is a decisiveness of both the spouses, to continue the marriage despite all the odds. Spouses really committed to each other, will have all the three types of commitments such as personal, principled and a structural. One must remember that commitment to spouse, is not a one time affair and it  is a lifetime matter.  The spouses should convey this commitment, through vibrant actions instead of a passive silence.


Friendship in Marriage

Social science researchers have found that nurturing friendship by the spouses makes the marriage a success. The basis of friendship, starts with a thorough understanding of the likes and dislikes of the other. The real friendship in a marriage, appreciates the positive performances of the partner, while evaluating the negative aspects, for positive correction. Such a friendship, allows the spouses to realize, respect and honor the doings of the other. The spouses in friendship, will always  enjoy and relish whatever the little things they do every day, nurture and relish such little acts and will carefully take it to the next level.


Laughs and  Fun in Marriage

Most of the couples, considers marriage as a very serious business and become busy with the errands of marriage.The first victim of such seriousness, is fun and laughs. They get drowned with errands such as working, housekeeping, finance managing and will hardly have time for sleep. The couple becomes more active with the birth of children. The laugh and fun, slowly get disappeared from their marriage relationship, without their real knowledge. The spouses should become aware of this missing element and allocate time for laughs and fun to sustain their marriage.


Support at Good Times

One may find it odd to discover that support at good times, sustains a marriage. Most of us are aware of the support extended by the spouse, at the time of struggle and it comes handy to win over a problem. Support at good times, is altogether a different component. It is the support and participation given by one partner to the success of the other. Such support to the partner, starts with asking questions, clearing doubts about a project or attempt, giving encouragement, complimenting on every success and finally celebrating the success of achievement. The spouses should learn to support and celebrate the success of their partner. While the support at bad times holds the family intact and assists in the growth of family, the support at good times sustains the love between the partners and keeps their marriage intact.

Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Confronting and Coping with a Long Distance Marriage

The improved economic and educational conditions, enable both the spouses of a marriage, to stay employed. Such employment, improves their family financially and benefits them with extra spending power. But, this extra income, comes with accompanying problems such as, work related stress and long distance marriage. While, the couple manages the work related stress, with adjustment between them, the long distance marriage, presents more peculiar problems. It requires, a good amount of understanding between the couple, to manage the induced separation.

Long distance marriage, makes the happily married couple, to live separately at different locations, due to the demands of their employment. Such a living, increases the stress and if it is not managed properly,  will often lead to permanent separation between the couple. Managing a long distance marriage, requires a good amount of pre-planning, quality time with children, effective communication and above all unstinted faiths among the partners.

Pre-Planning

In order to manage the separation with ease, a good amount of pre-planning is required. While, a short-term separation does not pose much problem, it is the long-term separation that requires meticulous pre-planning. In cases, where one of the spouses employed in an easy to find an employment sector, he/she can resign the current employment to find an employment in the new place.
If the couple has children, then, normally it becomes the mother's responsibility to manage the children, unless, she becomes the one, whose transfer, triggers the long distance marriage. Such a situation, requires a good amount of prep-planning, to manage the affairs of the house and the children without any problem. Taking the help of grandparents or close relatives, if they stay close by, helps to solve the problem. In case, if they live in a far off place, it is advisable to have a readily available help at home or within the quick reach.

Quality time with children

The children will be the most affected by a long distance marriage. The spouse, who is away from the child/children, should spend quality time with the children from the distant place. They must call the children regularly, offer them encouragement and assure them of help, when needed. They must learn to use and teach the children to utilize, communication facilities such as Skype, E-mail and mobile or telephone, for easy reach and to stay in touch with them.

Managing the loneliness

More often, the person separated from the family, suffers the loneliness most. He/She must learn to make best use of the period, by concentrating in their career, learning new things or exploring the locals. If it is a foreign site, the opportunity be best used to learn a language of the country. The time spent on self-cooking, will also prove to be a stress buster, while enabling a healthy living.

Unstinted faith or trust

A long distance marriage is better managed by mutual trust. Though, infidelity is an inherent risk of a long distance marriage, the faith on the spouse should clear one from such thinking. It must be remembered that infidelity can take place, even when the couple live together. Never expect the spouse to explain every minute of his/her time away or remain unreachable. It is essential that instead of the fear of infidelity, the trust on faithfulness, should rule the period of long distance marriage.

Communicate to remain close

Use all the modes of communication, such as, phone, mobile, email to reach and stay in connectivity. Use SMS, to convey instant needs. Make use of Skype or other video conferencing tools, to have a face to face interaction regularly. Exchange information on interesting daily events through mail. Keep your children engaged in regular conversation, without allowing the feeling of separation enveloping them. Never postpone any important issues, to attend on arrival. Always have them solved from remote, by taking the help of your spouse or others.

Overseas location

Managing a long distance marriage from an overseas site, increases the quantum of problems. The time difference, plays a vital role in maintaining the communication, between the separated families, in addition to the increased level of communication costs. Email and use of online video conferencing,  help in narrowing the gap of separation. It is essential for the couple to know the cost of calling a land line, mobile line and an internet call to make best use of them. To reduce anxiety, the couple should keep a track of the weather and the local news, at both the locations. Keeping emergency contact numbers at both the locations, comes handy, during the period of crisis. Planning the vacations with mutual consent benefits the entire family.

Don’t read between the lines

It is important for the couples, not to cultivate the habit of reading between the lines of any communications and develop imaginary assumptions. Always have a positive outlook and faith in your partner. This attitude, strengthens the marriage bondage, during a long distance marriage. Nurture and grow your love for the day of reunification that is expected to take place after some months or years.

Sunday, 24 February 2013

Learn to Manage Your Work Related Stress to Keep Your Marriage Intact


Though the exact figure is not available, there is a good increase in the percentage of working women in India. Economic conditions and educational empowerment have enabled this change. With the result, the percentage of working couples also has increased.

This inevitable change, while making families of such couples economically vibrant, also has brought other stress related issues. Spouses,  who fail to have a work-family balance, are the most affected. A sizable percentage of such couples, do suffer challenges in their marital relationship. It is essential to understand the steps one need to take, to keep the marriage intact.

Have faith in your partner and share your mind

It is important for such spouses, to take the help of their life partner, to understand and analyze the stress causing elements, in their daily life. Instead of fuming and brooding within oneself, such one to one information exchange, will earn the sympathy of the partner and may even bring an amicable solution. It is also proved,  such faith and understanding between the spouses, improves the relationship to a greater extent.

Discuss to understand your stress

The first real step in tackling the problem is, to understand the cause for the dodgy stress. More often, the stressed out spouses, may find it difficult to hit upon the real cause  for the stress. If it is not explained properly, there are chances that your partner may find it difficult to understand the reason, for your stress. Such a situation is normal. It is essential for both the partners to have faith on the other, to discuss the issue threadbare. It is often found that a changed approach to the stress ,without any pre-conceived notion by the partner, assists in understanding the real cause of the stress, thus resulting in a speedy solution.

Take the help of a friend

If you are one, who will spend more time with your friends than with your partner, do not hesitate to take their help. But, please remember that this attempt known as 'turning away behavior' during the time of stress, will cause more damage to your marital life and make your partner suffer, the ignominy in silence. On the contrary, keeping him/her posted about your intention, improves the relationship and helps your partner, to give his mind of advice.

Never suffer in silence

It is found that suffering a silence stress, suffocates and increases the frustration level. The non exchange of information, by the stressed, often induces a sense of rejection, leading increased level of anger. Such an angler, when vented on the parter, increases the gap between them.

Try to figure out work life balancing

Most of the stressed, who fail to have the work life balancing capability, found to spend less time with their family. Most of them, were found wedded to the office, become workaholic, by taking a fancy for using email, cell phone. Such long absence from home, causes friction between the partners.

Participating in family activities

It is an established fact that people who don't carry their workspace related worries to home, suffer less stress than those who carry it. Such spouses, were able to schedule the activities of their family, meticulously and able to spend more time, with their children. Their participation in family activities, helps them to remain away from  work enabled stress and assist them to manage both the home and the office with ease.

Conclusion

It is essential for the working couple to understand that stress is a part of their daily life. The sooner they learn to handle the stress and introduce work and life balancing act efficiently, the better will be their marriage life. Communicating the stress, without inhibition with the life partner and seeking their help, improves the affection between the couple and endures their marriage life.   

Friday, 22 February 2013

Young People Should Know & Discuss Their Marriage Preferences Before Accepting to Marry


A marriage will become  a success, only, when both the partners understand and accept the other as they are. It is essential for a man or woman, to know his or her marriage priorities and preferences about their life partner. Making a wrong choice in the selection of a life partner, will make the life of the couple miserable.

The frustration about the choice of a wrong life partner, often surfaces among couples who underwent arranged marriages, bowing to family pressure. Though, most of the present day generation, is categorical about their marriage preferences and expectations about their life partner,  some of them,  failed to understand their own preferences or express their choice and yield to family pressure.

For instance,  a woman with high expectations regarding her life partner's qualification and earning capability,  when married to someone with a different qualification or lesser qualification and earning, will feel betrayed. She will feel frustrated and such frustration will reflect on  her family life. Her husband,  who is innocent and unaware of her preferences, will be at the receiving end for no fault of his. Similar will be the mindset of a man with high expectations, when married to some woman, who does not match his expectations. In this case it's his wife who is innocent, will be at the receiving end.

It is found that people who suffer such frustrations, will not talk about it  in the initial years, but, only show it off in their actions after some years,  affecting the partner. The partner, will bear the brunt and suffer silently, without knowing the real cause. When the reason for such frustrations is revealed after a few years, it causes mental trauma to both of them and reflect on their family life. 
   
Marriage counselors ,who deal with such couples, will always suggest them to find the best in their life partner, instead of brooding over the missing portion. They will suggest them, to look into only the positive aspects of their life partner. While most of them will learn the art for the sake of keeping their marriage intact, some of them will refuse and head for a split.

Conclusion

It is essential for the young people, who are willing to undergo an arranged marriage, to discuss their life partner preferences, with their parent or guardian. They should not get succumbed to external pressures ,to compromise on their marriage aspirations. In case, they fail to convince their parents and put to undergo such a marriage, they must learn not reflect it in the married life, thus making the innocent partner a victim of no fault.

Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Know and Respect I & WE Privacies of Your Spouse for a Successful Marriage


Misunderstanding between the couple and resultant divorce is slowly gaining its momentum in India. In a good percentage of such cases, lack of privacy and  invasion on privacy are attributed as reasons. The binding point in a marriage is a feeling of sympathetic understanding of the differences between the partners and giving room for the privacy.It is found that the couples who respect their I and We privacy enjoys a successful marriage and a career.
I Privacy
 The first casualty in an Indian marriage is the privacy of the individuals. This does not go well with the present day generation especially the brides. Most of the families, continue to have a false notion that the marriage gives a husband and his family, an unlimited access to the privacy of the bride.  The bride of today who enjoy equal importance at work place and outside, look forward to having such privacy after her marriage too. She is in no mood to compromise on it totally and lose it permanently. She anticipates that her husband, who continue to enjoy his privacy domain, should take enough steps to extend such privacy to her too. In rare of the rarest cases only, a husband compromises on his privacy and allows intrusion by his wife.
Some Touchy areas of I privacy
The present day woman, when becomes a house maker, always likes to continue her friendship with her college mates, female and male office friends and others. She looks forward to have a private talk with them the way she had it before her marriage. She wants to have private moments with her parents and her family. She prefers to continue with her tastes about, reading books, watching movies or listen to music. She likes to remain undisturbed, when not in the mood. Above all she looks forward to continue with her private savings, while contributing to the family kitty. Most of them being a single child to their parents, want to financially help their parents, when they are in need.
It is very pleasant to find some of the present day couples have have really understood the essentiality about the I privacy. Such progressive couples incline to enter the I privacy of her/his partner only when asked. They have learned to respect the career prospects, travel, office timings of their partner by understanding the I privacy. But a marriage is not limited to I privacy alone. If they want their marriage to be strong and resonating, they must move further to understand the WE privacy.
We Privacy
The We privacy, is a private domain of the married couple. They must own the domain for themselves alone without allowing anyone such as their children, parents, relatives and friends to enter it without permission. The WE privacy includes their private finance, family setting plans, career plans and others. Unfortunately most of the couples are not aware of the WE privacy. The non-existence of WE privacy, will enable any of the family members, to enter the supposed to be the private domain of the couple and make a state of confusion and disorderliness. Most of the times either of the families try to own the responsibility of the marriage discarding the welfare of the couple.
Conclusion
It is absolutely essential for any newly married couple to understand the I privacy and WE privacy of his/her spouse. Changing what your spouse loves or likes to follow will not bring you the success in marriage. The success will come automatically once you learn to appreciate and respect his/her privacy. Consider them as necessary spices that adds flavor to the marriage and never as constraints.It is established that only such couple continues to enjoy the bliss of marriage without heartburn.